Tales of a Yearning Mother

Office Stress

2009-05-13T11:56:00.000-07:00

As a working mom for 10 years now, I tried the best way I could to make motherhood as the first priority and not as a choice. With the 3 boys now growing rapidly, adjustment is always a key word. When Abi was still an infant, Bien as a toddler and John Dale as the only schooler, by heart I know who among the kids need me for a particular time. Say early morning, I would wake up early or if I just came from office (since I started working in Iqor, I mastered working on 2-3 shifts), I would set aside sleeping and attend to John Dale first - breakfast, uniform, assignment checking etc. Bien is either the early riser or the last to leave the bed. So what I am pointing is I learned to adjust to whoever I am available.

But this week is something. I had tons of calls and meeting to do and it just stressed me out explainin the same things to different big time people.I got barely one hour per child this week. As a hands on mother, I felt guilt-stricken so I'll probably allot this weekend for them.

Next week will be another as enrollment is fast approaching. I dont have enough funds on hand. Sigh!

Tips for Picky Eater

2009-05-12T10:38:00.000-07:00

If I can't be superwoman, at least I want to be a supermother. Well, that is my 101% goal. Like mentioned many times in forums, seminars and encounters, a woman is accepted to fail in other areas but not as being a mother. True!

As a working mother, I see to it that I got all covered before I go to bed - grocery stock, food for lunch and dinner, snacks, a little of housekeeping and feeding bottles.

Having picky eaters in the family is not new to me. I myself is a picky eater and I don't see being a mother as an excuse to swallow grasses and trash for lunch or dinner. I just can't, please! So for the benefits of all mothers out there, here are some tips on how deal with picky eaters:

A healthy balanced diet provides your kid with all the vitamins and nutrients that he needs to grow, but sometimes it can be hard to achieve.

Keep calm and offer your kid nutritious foods, but let him decide how much he will eat. Be confident that he knows better than you how much food is enough for him.

Keep to regular meal and snack times. Offer three regular meals and two or three small nutritious snacks. Examples of nutritious snacks are: • fruit • egg sandwich and cheeses• yoghurt with berries or fruit slices • a small sandwich ( chicken, egg, ham, bacon) • fruit and milk smoothie • pancake or puddings.

It's a good idea to avoid giving your kid a main meal just before he is due to have a nap, as he is likely to be too tired to eat. Give him a small snack or drink instead and a meal when he wakes up. Snacks which are evenly spaced between meals will help to avoid the frustrations of being over-hungry. Make meals interesting and fun. Always give both main dish and sweet course with main meals. This gives your kid two opportunities to consume nutrients, and increases the variety of foods your kid is eating.Eat with your kid as often as possible and eat the nutritious foods that you want your kid to eat. Kids learn to like foods by trying them but will often only try new foods that they see other people eating. Kids have individual tastes for the flavour and texture of foods. Some like their food bathed in sauces, while others prefer it dry. Some like every food to be kept separate from the others on the plate. Many kids do not like stringy meat or foods that are difficult to chew. Respect your kid's preferences but don't cook him a completely separate meal. Always offer the same foods that everyone else is eating whenever you can, but make sure at least one of the foods is something you know that he likes. Ask his preferences.

Each day, offer a variety of foods from the four nutritious food groups:

1. Starchy foods (carbohydrates) Offer these at every meal and some snack times. They include breakfast cereals, pasta, rice, potatoes, sweet potatoes, and any foods made from flour such as bread, crackers, and pancakes.

2. Fruit and vegetables Kids may take some time to learn to eat a wide variety of these, particularly vegetables. Keep offering them at each meal so that your kid learns that they are always part of a normal meal. Fruits are often more popular - cut them into finger foods to make them easier to eat and always include fruit as part of the meal.

3. High iron and high protein foods Offer these at two to three meals each day. They include meat, fish, eggs, nuts and pulses. Pulses are foods like kidney beans, chickpeas, lentils. Offer soft, tender cuts of meat as some kids find hard chewy meats challenging.

4. Milk, cheese and yogurt Offer your kid these foods about three times a day. Dairy products provide plenty of calcium for growing bones but they are quite low in iron.

** Limit excess sugar and junk foods because this may affect his appetite.

** Meals should be relaxing , fun and pleasant. Don't nag you child on what to eat.

** Get your child involved in food shopping and preparation and teach them the benefits of eating nutritious foods.

** When introducing new foods, serve them at least 5 different times before giving up. Don't take his first "NO" for his final answer.

Picky eaters are hard to deal with even for a stay home mother so what more for a working mother like me. Secret is having all these things planned out. Be sure to organized all the motherly activities for a stress-free everyday with your family.

Manny Pacquiao is Dead

2009-05-05T14:01:00.000-07:00

Yes, you heard it right.

Manny, the Pacman, is now dead. With more than $12M winning from his recent fight with Ricky Hit(at the jaw)man Hatton, Manny is now dead rich!!!

Wow, that's a lot of money. Based on statistics, beating Hatton on the second round, total of 110 minutes, Manny earned P5.4M every minute. Whew! If you are Manny, you would probably join the politics because of lack of something to do. He might be bored by the time he joins the office singing his Lito Camo composed songs or might be tired of having these litch politicians following him around. If you cant beat them, join them. Hahahahaha. So maybe, just maybe, he wants to be entertained with the left and right word wars of these corrupt politicians - trying to earn as much as $12m from the government funds.

Manny might also be dead serious on his decision of joining again the election. He might be a good candidate for a non-corrupt government official. Everybody knows he has enough...

Not too sure if someone will bump into this blog to read my advise to him but anyway...

If he really is willing to help Saranggani (his place of residence now), he might as well be serious of equipping himself with the ins and outs of law making (even he has people to do it) so he wont look and sound stupid during legislations etc.

That's all folks. The household indeed enjoyed the fight. Mama watched it from the beginning until the endless replays on every channel. I even cooked earlier than usual so I wouldnt be disturbed during the fight. But as a mother to all three boys, I wouldnt want to see my kids like money. I dont care about the $12M.

As We Walk The Way To The Ladder

2009-05-04T09:53:00.000-07:00

No, this post is not some kind of metaphor about success or making one's way up.

Literally, this is about our day with so much ladder involved.

It has been months that Mama insist on accompanying her to the Senior Citizen's Office to get her new booklet and to be able to visit her politician friends - Coun. Jun Ferrer. She is relatively close to this public official, not only she gets to seek professional advice but also because he actually is generous. He also visits the house from time to time whenever he is nearby or just making the routinary house to house visits. Unfortunately both of us were new to the newly renovated QC Hall so we really exerted so much effort on going from one office to another. Mama can hardly move with her "saklay" - a wooden structure that helps her walk and move around a bit. I was so tired. And I haven's slept so that made it worse.

John Dale was with us as I cannot live without having one son around except when I am going to the office. It was a tiring day (I was knocked out after having our lunch) but I must admit it's all worth it. I was able to give in to Mama's wish and that's all that matters.

The picture above by the way, is one of their latest. The 3 boys are fan of Naruto which they were imitating in that pose.

As of this writing, I am already a member of the emailcashpro - an internet-aid advertisement which pays for every email of your interest you read. I don't think it pays much but I can start from there.

God bless!

Drug Addicts

2009-05-01T12:23:00.000-07:00

Not too sure if it was lack of sleep or what they called as post-partum syndrome.

I think it was Wednesday when I was awaken by Abi (Sensui), asking me where I was hurting. I was already sitting on the bed when the reality sinked in. I was crying heavily like a cow. When literally I was seeing clearly as the tears had gone dry, I remembered I had dream. A very bad dream...

"...I pushed John Dale and Bien's head to the wall and began pounding their heads against the hard side of the house. They didnt feel anything at all. Their heads were all bleeding already but Bien was still smiling sheepishly. They were on drugs.At that exact age. Eight and three respectively. What went wrong? Why did it happen to my kids? Who did this? This is not what I dream for them...I did not ask anything but for them to be good boys...And now..."

That was when I started crying. Didnt realized I was already getting everybody's attention. When I was back on my old self, Mama, nephews and my kids were surrounding me. Niño was awaken too by the comotion. Everybody was asking the same question at the same time - what happened?

The picture of my dream is still vivid to me. Much more the pain seeing them like that in my dream. When I became a mother the first time, I was unexpectedly clueless of the ins and outs of motherhood. Growing old with the kids taught me a lot things in as a mother and as a person. Being a mother is simply loving them to the best any mother could give but allowing them to be what they want to be. And it would greatly hurt any mother in the world to see their kids opposite of what you wished them when they were still your...babies.

Make Money On Line-Is it true?

2009-04-28T13:45:00.000-07:00

Believe me. I have read as much as any bookworm here on earth could read just to learn how to make money online. Guessed it right!This is the continuation of http://talesofayearningmother.blogspot.com/search/label/Making%20Money%20Online but I am, like you, still disappointed how things are going with this blogging thing. Like I mentioned in my previous posts, I am a mother of 3 boys, two are still bottle-fed and are on diaper day and night. So needless to say, that the moment I learned that mothers like me could actually make money online even I am just sitting in the comforts of our own home indeed thrilled me. To add to that excitement are comments from all over the globe on how much they have earned - with a scanned copy of the actual check.C'mon! Been in the blogging business since 2005 but I havent earned a single cent.

Tips are all over the net on how to increase the traffic volume, how to be indexed etc. I have actually followed some if not all of those tips with the hope that someday I will have a penny on the monetized tab. You see the problem here starts when you get disappointed and lose hope.

On the other hand, with surfing and reading, you just dont actually make money but earned knowledge. For some months now, my desire to put a business has becoming so intensed. There has been a lot of business potentials that me and my husband can actually go into. So maybe, that making money online is true.

Lets see.

Hibernation

2009-04-22T10:33:00.000-07:00

No matter how you get used to working on graveyard shifts there will always be a tendency to crave for luring your bedsheets and most loved pillows. I was at our oven-heated home by 7am. It was routinary that I bring in newly baked pandesal (bread) for Mama and the kids. Otherwise, Mama would not speak to me the whole day. Not in the mood to face my husband, I left the table to sleep - it was already 9am then. Then the next thing I know, it was already 7pm. Whew! I slept for almost 10 hours. Maybe because of what happened, my subconsiousness wanted to take time off from the trauma and hibernated this day.

I felt energized. Energized enough to fix myself and hurried for work.

On the side, as I was taking in these carbs, I was having a disagreement with my good looking husband who wasnt able to go to work because he was heavily drunk.

Anyway...

Working for five months now as a system administrator for a call center company, my time management was designed to have ample time for the kids. At least, bathe and cook for them before I march towards the bed.By the time I am done, my "sleepy" mode is gone. So I would get off from the bed and do something else instead. I would usually end up cleaning the comfort room or scrubing the floor. Sometimes, if there's a new movie, I would drink coffee again while watching. So within this period, I barely had an eight-hour sleep.

So today was a new experience. This would probably my first complete (think it was even over) sleep.

Surprise!!!!

2009-04-21T10:25:00.000-07:00

The realization was like a lightning that strucked me unguarded. It took me five minutes for truth to finally sinked in to my thick-head. Somebody stole (hand-picked) my cellphone from my favorite bag's side pocket!!! Whaaaaaaa....

As a mother to three boys and a daughter to my sick Mama (not to mention my two nephews as excess baggage), it is not simply easy to decide to buy this or buy that. Or go to this or go to that. Everything (I mean everything) is carefully studied and budgeted - even where to buy disposable diaper for the youngest.So for hard-earned gadgets like my cellphone to be just taken away with my conciousness all awake and in front of my own eyes was really traumatic and energy-consuming.

And the saddest part of this experience, it was not mine. It was bought for John Dale. It was actually his. Now, how will I tell my son about it????

Whaaaaaaaahhhhhhh....

Stage Mom Strikes Again

2009-04-20T11:18:00.000-07:00

Ok,ok,ok...I was there when John Dale was circumcised. So? C'mon, I am her mother. I was there when Bien was circumcised too?!

And nobody touches moreso cuts any part of my son - over my dead body.

There, I was exaggerating.

Papa has to go to work. Well maybe he thought this milestone in his son's life was not a big deal for him...Or so I thought. Because he was at work but he kept on sending me text messages on how did "it" go...

Well, the "convince-me-more-Mama" stage was longer than the procedure itself. He even cried when the boy "on the table" shouted suddenly startling us all outside.

I figured he thought well about what I told him that even he had it at age 30, it will still be painful plus the shame he'll get of deciding way too late to be "baptized". With the help of doctor's explanation and conviction, the procedure went smoothly and peacefully. No arm-breaking struggle of all sort. He's brave deep inside, I am sure.

I know somebody out there is waiting what I made out of "make money online" thing...

Tomorrow will be the revelations!

A Yearning Mother Making Money Online - Introduction

2009-04-17T12:08:00.000-07:00

At least once or twice I mentioned why I revived my "career" in blogging. Because I saw from one of the tv shows how to MAKE MONEY ONLINE by creating journal of my daily trips to office, faves and hang-ups or simply put blogging.

So day after I watched that show, I sneaked every now and then during office hours to write something - more often about the kids and their antics.

Almost everyday I have something to write about. That's how eager I am to make money online and to tell the world how is the everyday life of a working mother. You know, trying to balance work, parenting and sex (shy).

So what it brought me?

Opportunities, unlimited earnings and a secure future - just by making money online.

How? Will tell you on my next post...

Stage Mom Part 2

2009-04-15T10:17:00.000-07:00

Being a mother to 3 boys, I am still thankful I am still sane...

As the eldest son, John Dale of course is the one I obviously always have the clearest conversation. Ok, I admit. I am stage mother. So what is wrong? Just this afternoon, he blurted out the question I was thinking for a couple of days now. For a very clear reason. I wouldnt be one of the hundreds of mother lining for the rainy audition if I didn't hope that my son would be in, right?!

"Mama, didn't I qualify for Going Bulilit audition?".

With a very understanding and supportive look of a mother, I looked at him and said, "Son, it's ok. You'll still have a lot in store for you". Then he smiled.

Well, as a mother, that's what we always want for our kids. For them not to be hurt emotionally or physically.

Note: To date, we really don't know what are the results yet.

Stage Mom

2009-04-07T11:04:00.000-07:00

"Why are you crying?" Mama said.

I cleary recall my childhood drama. I would be wearing this 3 inch high-heel, would paint my face with make up residues of my cousin and would walk from end to end of our humble home singing and waving. Imitating the famous variety shows that time, I would thank the sponsors and the fans for watching my show. Then I would suddendly burst into tears staring at the picture of my grand-father I have never met. Mama would always caught me in that scene. Or after being scolded, I would go out in the field, seat by the rice paddy and watch the sunset while letting my tears flow freely onto my face.

Celebrity! That's waht I wanted to become when I was a kid. Aside from being a nun. How were they related? Dont ask me!

And so maybe that's why I discreetly encouraging my son John Dale to try his luck into show business. I would be the luckiest Mama seeing my kid on tv. The glitter of this industry, not to mention the fame and the money, is something that always amaze and challenge me. Hearing the success stories of well known personalities today who claim to be coming from humble beginnings, encourage me to never lose hope. There's no harm in trying, isnt it?!

Those were the reasons why last Friday, Apr. 4, 2009, straight from my night shift duty, we went to Abs-cbn compound to try the realization of our dreams. Around 730am, we were about the 501th applicant following the end tail of the line. Honestly, I never expected these number of aspirant that early. I am not a fan of umbrella so I dont carry it with me even it's raining hard or raving hot. After an hour or so, our dilemma began. It suddenly rained. I was soaking wet while I instructed John Dale to hide under those with umbrella. But rain or shine, I did not leave my spot. We were almost there c'mon.

Audition proper: He was asked to introduce himself just like I predicted and was asked to show off some of his talents. Well, while we were on the line, we heard anybody who would be qualified will be receiving a text message or a call from the production. And so did we. I was not disappointed.

As a mother and son, it was a bonding moment and a challenge that we successfully went through.

My Little Big Boy

2009-04-01T09:51:00.000-07:00

He was just one day old in that picture. We were like having our first baby again after having John Dale alone for 5 years. The feeling was unexplainable. Papa said it was like heaven holding him so fragile in his arms. Bien came unplanned as usual but we thought we were more mature to have our 2nd.

And now, there he is. A little grown up man. Charming as he always is, he can be an angel and a little devil at the same time. He insists what he wants and can pursuade you with little effort to get things his way.

Two months ago, we started to notice a lump growing in his genital area. I didnt mind too much thinking it was something brought by kid's activities. First week of March, I brought him to a surgeon to seek some professional opinion. This was because he was starting to complain pain, he's losing weight and frequently vomitting just everything he takes into his mouth. He has hernia. An inborn condition. We were advised that he has to undergo a minor operation but since he's just 3 years old, it will be a general anesthesia. Last Mar. 15, we were admitted to the hospital. We were holding hands all the time. I was crying everytime he kissed me because I was afraid. Afraid he might come back to me...

But then God is good to me always. The operation was successful. And aside from that, I had him curcumcised.

Final Blow

2009-03-31T13:16:00.000-07:00

If you're in a sinking boat and you were asked to save only one person, who would that be, your mother or your son?

Hard question? For many yes. This would be a very tough question. But I'd rather answer that question than to be where I am now.

When Tatay (father) passed away last year, it was a great and sad blow. That was the first death in the family that I was totally at lost. Not that I dont mind some relatives passing but I was younger then when God called them. And c'mon, it was my father. After all the efforts of extending his life to grant his most precious request, he passed away. Leaving me with an empty pocket and a handful of debts left and right. I am not blaming him in anyway. I wanted it. As every normal daughter would do.

And having said that, I am where I am now. With a deficit of almost hundred grand, I take refuge in reading available articles online. Printed words of inspiration and motivation on how to overcome debts and how to stop digging my own pit. I can spend the rest of 9 hours in the office surfing one site after another on articles related to my dillema. Nothing was wrong with impulse to help. The strategies went wrong. I borrowed to pay my old loan then borrowed again to pay off another. It was like playing badminton or table tennis. From a number of articles I've read, I can relate and here are the keypoints why everything went wrong:

I lost communication with God. I thought once I was able to raise money thru company loan, loan sharks etc., I will get everything solved. In short, I took over instead of submitting my burden to Him.
I lost communication to my partner. I took him for granted and did not consult him so instead of having someone to see the whole problem on a different perspective, I missed and lost the chance.
No concrete budget/plan. Whenever there's any, it was not strictly followed.
Unnecessary and unplanned expenditures and lending
In general, being unwise even the situation was asking for it already.

With all these present, my acknowledgment of my present chaos and what brought me here, are good sign it's not too late to change. I've read that it will not be easy. Certainly it will not. The whole problem was not created overnight and so are the solutions.

father and sons

2009-02-20T13:02:00.000-08:00

i can't believe i am into this again. it has been what, 2 years since my last post?! been busy with a lot of stuff...

on the right was a picture taken during one of the guys' playful day. we had just a smart line that come with a free handset. so they tried taking their pictures.

this one on the right was one of my favorites. reminds me that there are lots of reasons to stay sane.

Welcome Back

2007-08-25T06:29:00.000-07:00

What inspired me to write again was the latest news that blogging actually generates income. As a mother that's not surprisingly interested. Eversince, at a very tender age of 6, I already knew how to write simple poems. My interest diverted into novel writing when I started to have crushes (yuck). But then, I got so busy with some other more important things..college works and stuff.

Then I saw 2 episodes of a talk show program on blogging and that pushed me to write again here...after what?! One Year!!!! Imagine, it's been a long while. And I have a lot of stories for the people out there. Bien has grown up so naughty, Kuya is more into arts now and I have a new baby! For the coming days, will tell about them as much as I could. Again, welcome to my world...

Oh by the way, here's how they look now....The first picture are John Dale with the youngest, Sensui. The second frame is Bien - notorious kid in town as my nephew fondly called him.

Till next post...

ABC's and 123's of Life

2006-06-22T18:09:00.000-07:00

i cannot exactly remember how i learned to read and went about numbers...the only vivid memory of learning at home was when mama was introducing "Abakada" to me when I was about 4 or 5..or 6 then...

Possibly that's the reason why i am having a hard time teaching JD or shall i say assessing him that he's learning something from me.Swear, it would easier to know if he's learning the latest cp game or playstation...Everytime his Papa takes over "home schooling"...they would end up laughing or worse, one is clenching his teeth and the other one is scratching his head...

Teaching how to read english words is by far the hardest part I encountered. Surely he can read Filipino selections already and add number, whether horizontal or vertical, but when it's time for english selections, total chaos!

Last night, I beat him. On a lower level, i shall say i spanked him with his "cute little belt". He was still on the streets even he knew i arrived already. When he got in, I asked what he learned today and from his assignments.Prior to that, i looked into his things and found out that he did not write anything but rather let his seatmate did it for him - how señorito can he get! These sort of things flared me and provoked me to transform - from a gentle mom to a terrfying witch. Whew! Ang sakit kaya sa ulo...

Well, however mind blowing this activity can be, i have no choice and i dont want to stop there. Teaching him how to read, add and so on are rather simplier and less complex than teaching him the true "ABC's and 123's of life that he has to learn - the rules of it and the ways to break them.

Ciao!

Year After 18th of June 2005

2006-06-20T02:09:00.000-07:00

Around 1:40 pm of June 18, 2006, a very fragile being was placed beside me. I was allowed to look at him before I fell asleep and darkness finally took over my sight. I remembered his hair was thick and was still curly then. His eyes were still closed ans swelling. The lips, undeniably kissable, were deep red. But the thing that most reminded me of him was his complexion - he was unexpectedly "maputi".

http://deisspotlight.blogspot.com/2005_09_01_deisspotlight_archive.html

I was sure then that he would be another joy - and he is. Year after that, from a very helpless tiny being, came a toddler full of joy, antics and smile. Papa's bebe, I often referred to Bien as that. He is the household's fave - his smile would make your day and his "tricks" are unbelievable. Before he turned one, he already knew how to respond to some commands like "appear", give me five, sawsaw suka, nguso, sakit ulo (dami problema), strong, sing, watch tv (concentrating on commercials) and most of all, dance (good at it!). Week before his day, I taught him to make the sign of the cross and flying kiss - guess what?! He would "amen" when commanded to pray and would do flying kiss now.

That's all for now.

On His Own

2006-06-18T22:23:00.000-07:00

"When wings are grown, birds and children fly away" - Chinese Proverb

It's a cliche. Time flies so fast. Each in everyone of us, nothwithstanding the events/scenario we were into, can attest to that. In a matter of time, my children would soon have their own wings and leave. Of course, that do not sink in their tiny brain nerve for now. Questions on how's and why's are enormous that you surrender them to bed. My little Bien is always busy on his run around the bedroom before our bedtime, exactly why he doesn't care at all. But my Kuya John Dale, he is 6 now and somehow, above his theories on "not-so-much sensible" issues and events, can be discussed with future and family, on a "not-so-much-adult-level" of course.

We were sitting by the street and waiting for a ride. He knows me when I am pondering something - he just knew it so he asked. I explained to him that I am thinking about our family, some relatives and so much of their future. That for some mistakes, in a way, made our lives not so pleasant. We both opted to be silent and continued waiting for some more minutes. He went to the middle of the street and looked both sideways - hoping for ride to come. "Ang dami na nating pinagdaanan, Ma, no?", he suddenly told me. Stunned by his remarks, I asked him "Ano ba un?"....so he enumerated. Most part of his enumerations were his experiences as a child. Few part of it brought me back to where we started. My "pinagdaanan" with him.

It didn't occur to me as a child that when I became a mother, I would be as emotional as this. At that remark, I shed a tear. True to its sense that for 6 years of his life we have gone through a lot. 6 more years and I am not exactly sure if i can speak to him like this. He would be probably thinking of something else or busy with gadgets and personal problems too.

Nakakalungkot.

Face Warp

2006-06-14T01:28:00.000-07:00

Do you know this feature in CP with cameras? Wherein pics could be warped and made into funny faces...

Oh well, that's how Bien looks like everytime he hums a song. There is a chinovela in Ch.7 entitled "Love of the Condor Heroes" and "Pangako" by S. Cuneta is their themesong. He just loves to hum this song. Nakakawala talaga ng problema ang hitsura nya. And also the song "High" by The Speaks.

Birthday Afternoon

2006-06-12T19:08:00.000-07:00

I came home early last Friday. I planned to fetched him from school but he was already home when I arrived.

Told him to get dressed because we were going to church and probably to SM, so he can play at Quantum (our most visited part of SM). I would not anymore enumerate the why's and the but's while he was dressing up because John Dale has an endless list of them that sometimes irritate me. Anyway, as we were hearing the Priest's sermon, he started to ask the following:

Why do we have to go to church where we can already pray at home?
How can Papa Jesus accomodate all the prayers? Was he able to answer them?
Why his "mamaso" does not heal easily? Does God heal other children's illness first? Do the sick people line up first before God heals them one by one?
Why the Priest's servant bowed at him? Is the priest the king to be served?
Why killing oneself would not send us to heaven? Don't we go to heaven after death? So what's the difference if our death is caused by sickness or killing oneself?

We were at the church but we were murmuring and discussing these things. Grrrrr!

With my P650, I just planned to treat him at Jollibee and let him play nga sa Quantum. But he has other things in mind. Since it was his day, I respected his opinion. He wanted to canvass for this white shoes first with 2 lining on the side and that lights every time he walks. We spent an hour before we finally settle for a Popeye branded shoes - that looks exactly as he wanted it. It caused me P450.00. Less expensive than his other options. But still it hurt my pocket coz that's all we got then.The fare would be P15, which I intend to leave at least in my wallet.Then we went straight to the supermarket to buy something for dinner.Then immediately after we ate at hotdogan.

Siempre, suot na nya ung shoes pag uwi. Pinagyabang na sa lahat ng kakilala nya.

Kids...tsk,tsk,tsk!

John Dale's 6th Birthday

2006-06-08T18:41:00.000-07:00

Yes, this day is his 6th birthday. Happy Birthday to my first born. Love you anak!

For 6 years now, he has been a source of joy, strength and direction.

I pray to God that He allows you to reach your dreams, that you become God-fearing, respectful and good-hearted person, with strong will and mind.

Crayons

2006-06-07T19:56:00.000-07:00

I almost beat him last night. I brought home printed labels for his notebook and noticed that his crayon I just bought, along with his pencils, eraser and sharpener, were not in his bag. I was screaming at the top of my lungs while he clasped his hands as he narrated that he has not seen those things in his bag before he even went to school yday.Good his papa came over and attested that he, too, did not see them.Stupid me, I was not able to actually put them in the bag but put them aside, near the laundry. Eow....

But his other offense was inexcusable. Seen his writings but no remarks of the teacher - his reasoning...becoz the line was long. Told him even then, he should have lined up so that his teacher could see his work. Reasoning - "e baket ikaw, nung mahaba ang pila sa MRT, hindi na tayo bumili ng ticket?", lesson here - show example about not giving up and patience.

Haaay...

And about this cute little angel, his teeth are now showing off. As in 8 tooth ata un na sabay sabay tumutubo. Sakit mangagat. With him, parang makakatipid ako. He can eat rice even without viand.Pero grabe ang kasibaan.Gustong makisalo sa bawat kumakain.

You would love him if he shows this antic - he would grit his teeth and fist closed when you command him "strong!".Lalo na pag nag-nguso...kakatuwa.

He already knew how to count while grinning back at you. And how he loves this new rexona commercial - wherever he may be, pag narinig nya un, he would rush in front of the tv and dance all the way. With matching clapping pa un.

Til next development. Tulog muna ako.

Change of mind

2006-06-07T01:50:00.000-07:00

I decided to change the title of this blog and the things that will be posted here too.

Deisonline will be about anything else aside from motherhood and all the antics and challenges that go with it.

Wala lang...parang journal naming tatlo.

How we conquer life and how life brought us together.

Basically, "Tales of a Yearning Mother" would be our day to day account of events, as everday log. No holds barred. I recently realized, as a working mom, no matter how hard i tried to catch up with their passing days, I am missing a lot. (I would create another post for these "missing parts").

Oh, how would i love to share the kids with you guys, how motherhood can make or break somebody, and these kids (not just mine) can be so irresistably adorable and irritating at the same time.

Hope you can come with me...as I travel along with the lives of JD,Bien and Sensui.

November 25, 2005

2005-11-27T13:37:00.000-08:00

It slowly engulfing me
Enveloping me to its promises
An ecstatic experience
Sure to blemish

My sight is getting blurred
Sleeping with the idea
Trying to steal me
From this life’s reality

Crying in the dark corners
Of my mind there I find
Myself in profound silence
Figuring the way out

Is it too late?
Should I now retreat?
Thought this was over
Thought this was over

Reflection

2005-11-17T18:43:00.000-08:00

What am I to you?
A creature with silly thoughts on my mind
A complicated person with secrets behind
Or some nonsense being in streets you’d find

What is there to me?
A treasure for years that has been hunted
A book-like life every one wanted to read
Or a rug full of dirt rarely ever wanted

I cannot answer the question I asked
It’s only you who know me deep inside
For I can never see what’s inside your heart
Or what is playing in your mind.

For these are the only things I know
Although sometimes it may never show
I tried to be someone the person you wanted me to be
Even it means hiding the true me.

At times when you are hurting
I tried making you smile
I tell you stories that would light you up
Although some of them are lies.

About that old and the same person
In times you keep repeating old stories
If I seemed not listening and would butt in
That’s because I want the pain to vanish.

In my really difficult times I opt to keep in silence
I didn’t only think you might have grown tired
I thought this is the best and the only way
To keep you from life’s dismay.

I’d like to believe that I was not hurt
Because I wanted to think more
That even I failed you would mean nothing
Because I am just here to complete things.

I’d like to believe I was not hurt
But still I cried
I just gave away a gift
So pleasant that someone dear to me was upset.

I never intended to complicate things
I just remember what we were used to be
Even the slightest gripe cannot escape
No matter how hard we tried to speak.

I was deeply wounded
Memories suddenly rushed in
Can’t we wear the same happy faces?
Or what we started are slowly being seizes?

**Posted: Sunday, January 2nd 20058:39 PM

Ode To John Dale

2005-11-17T18:33:00.000-08:00

In his eyes I found the joy
That no one has ever brought me
In his laughter I feel happiness
That fills my emptiness

He is may be unplanned
Or may be he is unexpected
But when he came into my life
Everything turns to be alright

He is one of the reasons
I'll continue to live and fight
That would make me smile
Until the day I die

I just hope he remembers me
Although he had grown up
As someone who tried to give him all
And as a mother who loves him so much

**Posted: Wednesday, March 31st 20049:12 PM

TrUe LoVe

2005-11-17T18:30:00.000-08:00

This is the best thing that I've ever known
Bringing out myself in me
Turning out dull moments
Into something worth reminiscing.

Smiling comes easy to me
Everytime your thoughts come surprisingly
Setting my loneliness free
Making myself as I don't expect it to be.

Daydreaming comes so often
Giving sensation I can't explain
Your voice is music to my ears
Your laughter is my melody
In your promise I wish to hold
With your love, you are my world.

written: Feb. 14 & 15 '96 12:24AM

Reason Enough

2005-11-14T21:52:00.000-08:00

Isn't this nice to look at?

I pray to God that they grow up remaining as loving as this picture.

God has really been good to me...giving these bunch of joy, best friends and talents...reason enough for me to remain sane.

Great Sight

2005-11-13T16:58:00.000-08:00

Haaayyy....half day ko today. Malaki mawawala sa kin nito, considering wala na me leave (vl, that is!).

I was not just sleepless...i think i'd get sick. Really sick.

I rushed mama to the hospital (again!) yesterday. We were there mga 6pm pa lang. She was feeling and dizzy and her batok (ano ba english nito - inaantok pa kse ako e!) was aching to the point that she can no longer move her head. So the interns one by one asked her history, got her bp and all.

180/110. that was her bp yday. so we were asked to stay for a while in the hospital until her bp normalized. while we were there, my head ached with the sight of illness of all sorts.i witnessed two deaths,angst and complain of pain in all parts of the emergency room. i was nearly pissed off coz our stay has beginning to lengthen - from hour to hours.but what can i do? it is a government hospital. with only "two doctors" leading the army, how can they accomodate all the patients? i tried befriending the intern assigned to mama and she told me that these patients have been told to transfer to other hospital kse nga sobra ng dami and wala ng room pero ayaw. people can be so hard-headed sometimes. nandon kse mga doctor ni mama kya nagtyatyaga kami don.

so at last, near 1:00am, pina-uwi naman na kmi.wala pa kong kain and sobrang antok pa ko.

til now...

Shattered Soul

2005-11-11T03:26:00.000-08:00

Tears are ripping me apart
Shadow of the past is haunting me
A new life I want to start
Why can’t they just go away?

I am beginning to feel
My soul had gone numb
Is this something for real?
Have I really gone dumb?

I am not anymore a lost soul
Step by step I am about to fall
Slowly defeated by this battle
My own soul is now shattered

How can I pick up the pieces?
Of a dream once dreamt
There is nothing I can hold
Now I am a shattered soul